Friday, June 25, 2010

Doll (Part 3)

Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted... But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.

That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him... And after spending two months like a crazy person... I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...



“One...two... three...” That was how... I started to count the dolls...
“Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five...” It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.
“I....lo..ve...you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”

Those words came out non-stop. I...love you... Why didn’t I realize that....That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much... I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...

“Jo...Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you...”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...

For that... and for that reason... to me... it became courage... to live a beautiful life.

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